Thursday, July 21, 2011

It's our life


I figure I might was well be completely raw on this here goes!

My hubby and I were married back in May 2008 and he moved to Southern Indiana to be with me because it was where my good job was at. He quit his good paying supervisor job to take a low paying entry level job in our town. We purchased a home and were living what we thought was the American Dream...the debt and all. Everything began to unravel on July 2, 2008. It was a Friday afternoon around 3pm right before the holiday weekend. I was at work and got a call on my cell phone from my mom. She said they were taking my dad to the hospital with severe breathing problems. I immediately left work and headed to their town about 40 minutes north of mine. I called my hubby and he met me there after work. It took the doctors a while to figure out what was wrong. They found that he had 2 liters of fluids on his lungs and wanted to check his heart. I took the following week off from work to be with my parents while my husband worked. On the Monday of that week the doctors found that 70% of my dad's heart was "dead" and unrepairable. We were devastated. They said my dad could not ever work again and would have to take it very easy, but they thought he had at least another 6 years to live. He would first have to be in the hospital another 2-3 weeks and then go to a nursing home to gain strength and learn how to best live. We found out that he would never be able to drive again and my mom has never driven a day in her life. oh no...

I quickly called my dad's sister and my mom's brother as they basically all the family we have. We investigated my parents' finances and found out how bad their situation was. We decided to move them out of their home, but here's the kicker...I co-signed for my parents $120k mortgaged home and $16k car. I was so scared. We put all their belongings into storage and moved them into my brand new 3 bedroom built home. My mom was so angry at me because she thought I could have done something more to help. My job continued to get crazy and with everything going on with my parents I resigned from my position and was thankful for savings.

My mom moved into my home first while they transitioned my dad to a nursing home. My mom was miserable in my home because I live in town and she lived in the country. We butted heads all the time over cooking, cleaning, and care of her animals and our animals. Right before my dad was discharged from the nursing home, my husband lost his job because he had missed too much work due to everything going on. UGH!! Luckily we had some savings and my dad's social security that he would be getting would help.

We decided that I would not get a job right away, but care for my dad as my mom could not emotionally handle it. My husband began working part-time and went back to college to finish his bachelors degree. Yes, unfortunately we took out extra student loans to live off of.

Everything was going pretty smoothly...I even interviewed for a job as a therapist because things seemed to be going well...that was until February 2009. There was a huge ice storm that hit our area and shut everything down. Well during that time, I forgot to pay our auto insurance and the first day back to school my husband slides through an intersection and collides with a snow plow. He lost his drivers license as our insurance had lapsed and then lost his job because he did not have a valid drivers license.

Suddenly my mom became ill over night (literally) and by 8am in the morning it looked as though she was throwing up coffee grounds. I called her doctor to see what to do and he said to bring her in. I walked into my mom and dad's bedroom to tell her to get dressed because I would take her to the doctor. I walked out to get myself dressed and called my husband to tell him where I would be for when he got out of class. I suddenly heard my dad yelling my name and help. I ran to their bedroom and my mom was passed out on the floor and blood and what looked like coffee grounds. I ran to get the phone and called 911. During the time of call and me panicking I didn't think to do CPR. I kept screaming my mom's name, but she was completely unresponsive. The police. fire, and ambulance arrived quickly to take her to the ER. I threw on clothes and got my dad in the car. We raced to the ER and called in all the family. The hospital said she was not responding, but allowed me to see her. She was ice cold. They air lifted her to a large hospital and a large city. My husband, dad, and myself raced there. Once we arrived at the other hospital. we were told they were putting her in ICU and running a bunch of tests. At this time all the family was there as well as our pastor.

At about 1am we were told there was nothing more they could do because she was brain dead from the lack of oxygen. I was her POA so I had to decide whether to keep her on machines for ever or unplug them and let her die. I decided that I would have her machines unplugged because I knew she wouldn't want that. She was unplugged at 4am and died within five minutes. I was crushed and felt completely to blame. She was cremated and we had her showing on Valentines day 2009. We found out that she had a perforated ulcer that lead to multiple organ failure. My dad quickly deteriorated and died two days later (Feb 17, 2009). He was walking from the bathroom to his bedroom and collapsed. I quickly did CPR while my husband called 911. They were not able to revive him and pronounced him dead. The doctor said his heart just stopped. I still believe he just quit living. He was buried with my mom a few days later.

Three days after my dad was buried I started my new job and my husband went back to school. He continued with school until May and then has not returned. He started with a temp agency in June. Unfortunately our areas does not hire anyone unless they start out as a temp so he never had a permanent job until Sept 2010. We were not able to sell my parents home and could not keep up with their car payments and all of our car payments and bills. So we had to file for bankruptcy in Sept 2009. We gave them my parents car, their home, and both of our cars. Since my husband could not hold down a good job, we continued to suffer financially even after the bankruptcy.

We finally had enough in October 2010 and went to a Dave Ramsey class. We did well until Christmas and then we spent too much on stuff. I took a new job in March 2011 and it took me away from home more and I was spending too much on take out, clothes, and shoes. In April my husband took an almost 20 foot fall at work and was off work for two weeks. He has been in physical therapy since.

The week before the Independence Day 2011 holiday weekend, we went to the Smoky Mountains for vacation (stupid, I know). We spent too much money. On the drive back home we had a revelation! We decided we are throwing away too much money and have nothing to show for it. So we resolved to go back to Dave Ramsey budget and save. That was on Monday...on Tuesday my husband went to his early morning PT before work and then to work. As soon as he went to work, his boss called him to the office. They said they were going to have to let him go because he was causing them too much money with his accident!!! That afternoon I was called into HR and told I was being investigated for a co-worker complaint. Great! Well on Friday I was called back into HR and told I was being terminated for allowing my husband to come into work with me on two separate occasions (We were required to do on call assessments of psychiatric children/adolescents and those two times we were an hour from our house with family or shopping and I got called in and he went with me....just as all my coworkers did. Well when another co-worker left she turned us all in for it and they terminated all of us for it even though we didn't know we couldn't do it).

We have come to the conclusion that we were not where we need to be with the Lord so we are working on this and putting Him first again. We are taking control of our debt, spending, and other poor habits. Once we get our finances better under control, my husband is going back to school online to finish his youth ministry degree so that he can become a youth minister.

One more thing...

A little more than two months ago, my husband and I allowed a family from our church to move into our home as they were being evicted from their home. It was the mother, father, their two children (one teenage girl and one young adult) and their eldest daughter's baby. We thought this would be the good, Christian thing for us to do. At the time we allowed them to move in we thought they were good Christians, too, but they're not. They have broken two of our living room chairs, their dog has ruined our carpet, they do not help with chores or bills, and rude and curse too much. So, we got with our pastor to develop a way to get them out. We gave them until this Sunday after evening church services to vacate our home. This has been a difficult few weeks for us as we are trying to get them out of our house, get it cleaned up, get jobs, and control our finances.

Please join us on our journey. Help keep us going and ask any questions that you may have.


  1. What an incredible story. I am so sorry for all that you have been through. The one thing that really stuck out was your husband being terminated as a result of his accident. I can't believe that's legal - did you get advice from a lawyer as to his rights there? Just know that you are not alone. If you've looked at my blog, you will see the unbelievable amount of debt we have. A lot of it is from medical expenses (we have a special needs child), but a lot of it is from just plain stupidity. We had a moment and now we are determined to dig out of the mess. You can only start from where you are. The PF bloggers are great encouragers. You can do it!


  2. You and your husband are strong people. I think you are on the right track and remember that all of us PF bloggers have been there or are there.

    When I first started this(if you go to my first couple of blog posts you will get an idea) someone said to me that your first achievement every day was getting up and trying. And some days that is all that happens but that is good to.

    Good Luck and welcome...I swear you will like us


  3. just wanted to send you a (((hug))) you've been through a terrible time of it, and losing your mum & dad like that is awful. hope that things start looking up for you.

  4. Wow. I didn't breathe reading that. My heart goes out to you and your husband, as I suspect that neither one of you has taken a breath for over two years...

    I'm so sorry for your losses, they were huge. I'm glad that you are taking care of things on the home front. I don't understand why people would take advantage of your generosity. You gave them a chance and they blew it.

    Just remember to take care of yourself too! Sending lots of prayers your way Mr. & Mrs.!

  5. oh my goodness! My heart breaks for the trials you've been through. You and your Mr. are strong, strong people, and the fact that you're blogging, sharing and (asking for) getting the support to keep going is testament to that. We ARE a supportive group, so lean on us! We'll help carry you emotionally!

    Prayers for you!

  6. I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. How hard it must be. You didn't even have time to recover. It is possible to do too much for others. One more part of being financially responsible is taking care of yourself first. I don't mean selfishness, but get yourself back on your feet and strong before you start yo help the less fortunate. Get those people out of your house. I feel bad for you, as I know you were trying to do the right thing, but most people are where they are due to there own behavior. Eviction is due to bad behavior. Your money problems were due to bad choices and unavoidable problems of life. There is a difference. Good luck, I will be praying for you.